I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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