"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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