If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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