Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
