I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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