He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
