You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
