I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
