As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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