Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
