can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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