you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?