The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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