She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER