sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call