Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize