Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
