Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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