Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
