Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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