Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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