Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
