Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
