Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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