I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
