My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
