I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wear drunk well.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize