he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
