He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's great music for shaving your balls
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
