Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
