guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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