What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
