he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
