this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
