I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
