Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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