If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
