Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
