I will die if light touches me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
