any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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