I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
