I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
