Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
there was a trapeze. enough said
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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