I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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