I cockslap morals
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
