Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
