2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Success! We fucked roommates!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
