dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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