hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
