He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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