i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
