She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
