yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
