On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize