WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
