tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
