HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My vagina is officially offended.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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