Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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