omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't apologize to a one balled man
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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