woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
