just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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