Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
