first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
