Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
