I am full of burrito and curiosity
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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