Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize