just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
