She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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