You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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