No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
