Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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