I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
