you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
