Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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