just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
